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Thursday, 31 May 2012

dil ka mamala ---part 2

 
It was days, and neither Amar nor his wife had come out of coma .
Neera was not worried at all  as her extraterestrial  powers had empowered her enough to bring them back and send them back whenever she wished --and she knew that .

Her first priority was to dispose off the driver --at first she thought to do away with him and  add him to her kind BUT NO she knew better --she let him off alive because she was sure that he would go and spread word that the house was now haunted and people would stop coming towards it She will then add the house to her empire and use it in exactly the same way she had used the previous one --i.e---to catch fresh fish .

oh !!   her empire was spreading day by day and now it was becoming difficult to manage her everincreasing property. Amar and his wife looked smart enough to be her real estate agents --and chicken hearted enough too --to be under her control.

The old man  agreed to the idea and the driver was let off.alive.

Before bringing Mr and Mrs Amar back to their senses Neera wanted to chartout the whole programme in advance lest there be any problem.She had been  an employee of an ISO 9000 firm  in her living days.

"You can get out of that oldman outfit" she gave him a smile.
" thanks "
"See  tomorrow being Friday the 13th Boss will be on his monthly tour of the earth and we will be spared the trouble of going  a 1000 miles under the ground to meet him ""Yeah !! I am yet to adjust to the darkness and cold down there --in hell ---in fact I wonder why they always told us if you do wrong YOU WILL BURN IN HELL --whereas we actually freeze there.'"
"They confuse and mix geography,geology and mythology--the lava and molten rock inside  is confused with the kingdom of the PRINCE of Darkenss"HAHA HAHA HAHA 
HAHA HAHA HAHA
"Yes must say living humans have absurd ideas about the supernatural"
""HAHA !!!  like we had to turn our feet wrong side out to make these two faint ""
"Hahah !!!!yes and that gimmick about stretching our hands
just to make them belive that we were ghosts."

""hahahaha"""""hahaahah"""
"ok then what is our next plan --rather who is our next target??''
"" We have had too many men followed by their wives Lets catch hold of a woman and see if her husband follows her into our clutches?""
"Not bad ?? we may even enter the guinness book for doing something new"
"Uff  !!! you are not yet out of the living world --guinnes book is for the living not for the dead "
"sorry ".
"chal no problems ---don't pull such a face "
 "Do we have to bring these two back to their senses so soon?"
"Why !!you want to watch the IPL matches??"
"Hey how on earth did you guess that ??"

"I too wanted to have a look at SRK before Draculla sir joins us
you do know how possesive He is about his women employees"

""hmm........  this is one time I am happy I am not a woman ".

"and this is one time I am sad ---par chalta hai
By the way how are the knight riders doing?'

 "fabulously this time ".
"had to be.... both SRK and Gautam gambhir are working hard'

"Yeah""By the way Shilpa Shetty is looking great these days "
"No comments
I am really scared of getting   associated with her in any way
See what happened to Jade Guddy from the day she came in contact with her ."

"But what are you scared of?? you have already crossed the border ---"
All of a sudden a duststorm brewed up and they could here the the galloping of horses  and the bells of a horse carriage The Prince was arriving

The two got ready to meet the monarch switched off the t.v. and hid all traces of garlic lying anywhere near .
The Prince was in a good mood obviously pleased with the prized catch in the form of Amar and his wife . He congratulated the duo for their effort  and asked them to
search for more land as His empire was spreading by leaps and bounds and engulfing the earth with alarming speed They needed lots of space to house so many volunteers who were entering through boats ,votes  and also those who were acting as traders of the vital organs of the dead and living ,or those who were experticing in sex detection tests , and female foeticide...he was so happy 


"It was never so good .. my forefathers had to work real hard to lure people into their kingdom ..guess I  am reaping their harvest ..May their souls rest in peace of the heavenly kind  their hardwork has paid off.  "
"Sir we are thinking of using these two as our realestate agents ..."
"Hm.... ...good idea you think the lady can keep a book of records as to the name and number of  new entrants .? Because we will have to house them in the living world untill we can makesome  space underground ...that place is spilling over....."
"Yes that she can sire becase she was a good houswife the nagging kind--kept a record of every paisa spent by her husband."
"Ok then it is done You Neera are appointed  caretaker and undertaker of the whole northern hemisphere --much of the action is this side of the equator and this companion of yours  goes to...... now where can we send him......"
"Yes sir please send him somewhere away  I just cant tolerate him"
She saw that gleam in the Prince's eyes 
"Ok ....lets see I will go back and check if there is some vacancy somewhere till then let him be here you will have to tolerate."
she looked  crestfallen and with head bowed low she accepted his orders."Right then see  you   after a month or so and I am quite happy with your work--- put in more ."
and he lashed at the horse who flew away with  lightening speed 
"Hey why are you looking so sad ??""why did you say Iwas not good at work ??"
"arre buddhu  because I wanted you to stay with me --didnt you see he wanted to send you somewhere else but his possesiveness got the better of him and he thought I would be safer and in his control with someone I dont like"
"You are so sweet let me give you hug ""again your old habits ...arre baabaa ghosts can't hug" 

  sigh ---but I   so  want to..

Friday, 25 May 2012

two poems based on the themes discussed onS ATYA MEV JAYATE----dowry deaths and female foeticide

बडे अच्छे लोग है  वो 
संस्कारी
रोज सुबह आती है 
उनके घर से भजनो  
की धुन प्यारी 
 हर तीज हर त्योहार 
हर व्रत हर उपवास
करते है लगन से  
निभाते है पूरी तऱ्ह 
हर नेग विधी और विधान 
बेटे की, की है 
अभी अभी शादी 
दुल्हन है बहुत ही प्यारी हजार  गुणोवाली 
फिर आयी उसके पग फेरो की रसम
भाई आकर ले गये  अपनी बहन
तीन दिनो के बाद 
ससुराल वापस आ  गयी  अब 
पर लगा जैसे  वो प्यार 
वो मुहब्बत 
सब हो गये है गायब 
एक दिन आया न्योता 
उसकी सहेली के घर से   
पर ना  कह दिया सास ने 
"मासाहारी होते है जीव हत्यारे   
उनसे  से रखते नही है हम नाते "
कुच्ह दिनो बाद 
पाडोसियो ने सुनी एक चीत्कार
कोई  भडभडा रहा था   जैसे किवाड 
""खोलो ,बचाव, माफ कर दो "
लेकीन घर वालो के कानो पर रेंगी ना जू 
तब कुच्ह पाडोसियो ने 
दरवाजा खुल्वाया 
बहु की अध्जली लाश को  बाहर  निकाल्वाया  
मरणासन अवस्था थी दे ना सकी बयान 
उंगली से  इशारा कर त्याग दिये उसने प्राण  
ससुराल वाले साफ बच गये 
और अन्य लाड्कियो के पिता 
आनें लगे लेकर रिश्ते  
'"माफ किजीये अभी सूतक लगा हुआ है    
कैसे करे हम आपसे बात?'" 
"तेरःवी के बाद 
'भगवान' की कथा करा ले 
फिर इत्मिनान से शादी की बात चला ले 
नयी बहु का स्वागत हम करेंगे दिल खोल कर 
आप भी हमारी इज्जत का रखना खयाल "
Statistics show
the ratio of male 
to female foetuses 
in natural abortions
is fourfold
rarely does a  female foetus
abort itself
that is how God has proposed
But man has beaten God
in his own game
Sience, can detect a female in the womb
and abort it artificially
and says "development" is the name .
OF THE GAME 

Friday, 18 May 2012

The other side of midlife

14th sept 2002. We got up from a deep and saisfying slumber  to a bright and sunny morning and walking up into the balcony my husband smiled and said --
" My time is now entirely mine " I smiled and said " You are  now entirely mine ".
Yes my husband had opted  for "Voluntary retirement" from a "back breaking" and "brain wrecking" job of 30 years and we were both looking forward to a life of Freedom where words like ---deadline ,wake me up early , sorry folks  we will go for the movie tomorrow etc etc would  not exist--- we now began our days with tea in the balcony ,stroll in the garden visits to relatives and friends we were sort of clearing our "socializing"- backlog of the past 30 years .But we soon realized that life was not so simple and that TIME  was not so easy to kill After all how many  cups of tea could you drink in the balcony !! and how many relatives could you visit.Boredom  started to seep in and the romance too seemed to be dwindling fast.


Then it was by sheer chance that I came across the world of internet ---when a matrimonial add in the news paper asked us to look up a  particular matrimonial site for the details of the particular groom (we were helping our friends look for matches for their children ----we may have become matchmakers had we not seen the beautiful horizon of INTERNETING).


We were strangers to the internet as we had been posted in a small own where the wife's world revolved round her husband and kids and the husband' s life went round his job and the Computer was just another tool which "added to" his workload and not "aided "him at all.


So we now entered this strange world of ---netizens---and soon joined friendship sites , chat messengers .Google and wikipedia and Yahoo search became our favourite hideouts  satiating our thirst for knowledge Oh it was so thrilling any and everything I wanted to know could be got  just by a click on the keyboard.


We made some very good friends and one thing I can vouch for is that --virtual friends as we call them are much more friendly and helpful than real life friends they share our joys and wipe our tears and if and whenever we visited them they turned out to be great hosts as well as very very helpful in every way.The net is the best place to find LIKE MINDED PEOPLE .


You tube Broadcast yourself fulfilled  my husband's desire to showcase his talent as a singer and as a photographer And blogging sites made me achieve my life long desire to write and the comments which flowed in also gave me a feedback .


We gradually came to know about on line ticket bookings, bill payments, shopping through the internet and life for us who were fast nearing the status of SENIOR CITIZENS became so easy 
Sending and receiving flowers and gifts through on line  instructions made birthdays and anniversaries so much more personal and intimate.
I am sure if the internet facility wold have been available in the days of yore then our ancestors would never have dreaded old age nor would have their descendents dreaded looking after them .


Now of course the internet is not confined to to the computer desktop or lap top it has now become available in the confines of our palms --on our mobile phones---literally on our fingertips .
We now don't have to rush home to watch our favourite programs on the TV We are no more couch potatoes We can do all our TV watching, listening to songs ,watching matches everything while going about our daily chores ---That much for a healthier and slimmer couple.----nor do we have to carry a camera everywhere .My grand daughter stays with me and I keep my daughter upadated with all her actvities through my cell phone  camera together with my running commentary.


I am so Grateful to these technological wonders-- --the internet and to my consumer friendly VODAFONE mobile service provider  for making our life which is now  THE OTHERSIDE OF MIDLIFE  -- so much more interesting and worth living .now with the GPRS,EDGE 3G etc its all becoming better .


THANK YOU INTERNET , THANK YOU VODAFONE.




This is my entry for Vodafone - Internet is Fun contest 
www.vodafone.in/fun

Tuesday, 15 May 2012

a successful musical ------love story


This is the story of a succesfull love affair .

These two ,Raja and Rita met on the net and liked each other very much They used to enjoy each others company and the chat- room became their place of a daily rendezvous.Away from the real world into the bliss of the virtual world --away from the prying eyes of all humanity .In the bliss and solitude of their own house with no interference of any sort ---and no inhibitions; they would spend hours together deep into the night neither wanting to leave .

Like most NRI's   both had true Indian blood flowing in their veins and were loyal to Indian movies and hindi film songs .They would communicate in hindi film songs
because they believed that -
"har dil jo pyar karega
woh gana gayega " 

their daily chat used to begin with the song 



Tum jo mil gye ho toh
ye lagta hai
ki jahaan mil gaya hai .

He was in London and she in Newyork .and her favourite song would be
hai hai ye majboori
ye mausam aur ye duri .


It was by sheer luck that Raja had to go to India on an official visit and he asked Rita if she could manage to come down . She the real Laila that she was, immediately took the next flight -------when she reached the Sahar air terminal in mumbai she spotted Raja  sitting in  the waiting hall and singing
ham intezaar karenge
tera kayamat tak 

and she ran to him -----
saat samunder paar mai tere
peechhe peeche a gayi .

from then onwards the next 15 days were a time full of bliss for both of them .
They checked into the same hotel and as soon as Raja would return from work they would go out shopping, sight seeing ---both of them extended their leave and stayed for another 10 days visiting the whole of India singing around trees ,enjoying life.

 Most of the directors from Manmohan Desai to Nasir Hussain got nearly all their scenes enacted .

But then Mahesh Bhatt and the new directors who normally cast IMRAN Hashmi in their movies were not to be left  behind either. They too had a fan in both these love birds,whose escapades in parks and on seabeaches gave the    hawaldars on duty so much excercise tracking them that they lost the "pot belly"which is so much a trademark of most Indian Havaldars.

But then as fate would have it a murder took place in the hotel and both Raja and Rita somehow got involved in this, as there room was just next to the victims and more so because by some badluck an old aquaintence of Raja saw them there and told the police that Rani was not Raja,s lawfully wedded wife( as mentioned by them in the hotel register) --bass!!!! that messed up the whole thing ---the police just pounced on them and targetted all their investigation on these two unfortunate love birds ---in fact the victim lay forgotten and the police got busy with these two asking them just one question
Yeh kya hua
kab huaa
kaise hua
kyoo hua
oh bolo 


And here was Raja telling Rita 
kuchh na kaho
kuchh bhi na kaho 

they somehow got hold of a lawyer who told the police
Kya kahna hai
kya sunna hai
humko pataa hai 

the police took Rita for interrogation but went mad as all that she said was
MAI CHUP RAHOONGI 
as is normal --this episode jolted Raja out of that reverie of love songs and clandestine affair , he rang up his wife, Rani
---(-this name doesnt signify any love between the two -she gets this name by default being Raja's wife) for help.Her father being an influential
figure in Indian High Society.

When she got Raja's message , . she chartered a plane and flew into India to help her "janoo" .She entered the police lock up singing
tumne pukara aur
hum chale aaye 

when suddenly she saw Rita sitting in the lock up too !she asked her
tum kaun ho
batao tumhara naam hai kya 

poor Rita --was absolutely tongue-tied with nervousness--and ran upto Raja with a piece of thread
Bhaiya mere
Rakhi ke bandhan ko nibhana 

trying to enact a Rakhi scene (
 Raja was awestruck at her presence of mind and his admiration for her increased)
************ ***** 
It was here that the director thought it right to call for intermission . And the audience were only too glad to go out and get their packets of popcorn 
***************** Post interval session ---

and here comes the kahani mei twist , enter the villian in the guise of that visitor who had seen Raja and Rita register as husband and wife --and this nosey guy thought it his right to acquaint Mrs Raja of the goings on ---after all she was his friend and like all well wishers he could not let go this opportunity of having fun at the cost of someones happiness.

But our lady was not the one to throw a tantrum--she knew her priorities and also knew that the hubby had no escape , and could be dealt with later .

She and her dad got busy pulling strings and after a lot of exchanges under the table (
with people who had table tops bigenough to let briefcases exchange hands)
; the matter was settled to the relief of everyone and both Raja and Rita were proved innocent .
                                           ***************
Let me mention two very very important facts which took place during this interaction one was that Mrs Raja's father had the brainwave of carrying with him two 'sting operation' experts whophotographed every incident leaving no choice with the Bigwigsother than fullfilling their promises and secondly something which was a bit sad, Rani's dad was so high up in the ladder of politicalhierarchy that he got all his work done by greasing the palms of Big wigs 
and the poor havaldars and their boss the inspector who had done all the hard work of framing the duo were left in the lurch with not even a penny coming their way . 
                                                ********************

Oh yes !!you must all be wondering how does this happen to be asuccessful love-story----this is where the kahani mein twist become' s more twisted ---our lady Rani ---who was fed up of Raja bargained with him her freedom in lieu of not telling her tyrant of a dad about  his escapades and affair with Rita .

Raja agreed immediately he didnt know he could get out of her clutches so easily .They immediately filed- in papers for mutual divorce .

after a period of 6 months we had four beeming faces coming out of the family court a 'divorced couple' and 'two couples' about to get married.

Yes Rani too had a beau locked-up in her heart .!!

Doesn't that make it a succesful LOVE STORY ?? two rather .!! 

Wednesday, 9 May 2012

mahangayee dayan khaye jaat hai ----a satire in hinglish


 mahangayee daayan khaye jaat hai
.



कई वर्षो  से जमा हो गए कुछ पुराने कागज़ात 

साफ़ कर रहे थे हम कल दोपहर 
मिला एक पुराना  बिल और हमपर ढा  गया कहर 
चावल थे १२० रुपये के दस किलो 
और चाय के आगे लिखा था साढ़े बारह रुपये का एक पाव (२५० ग्राम)

याद आ गया सडनली suddenly वो दिन भी 
जब इसी बिल को चुकाते हम रो रहे थे ज़ार ज़ार 
काश के हमें पता होता आज का हाल 
तब ले लिया होता हमने बीस सालो के लिए सारा माल 

फिर भी शुक्र है खुदा का 
रहमत की है हमपे 
डाईबेटिस है ब्लड प्रेशर भी हाई है 
और दिल पर भी पड़  चुके है कई दरार 
बेटी है डॉक्टर सो फीस के भी बच जाते है पैसे 
न शक्कर खरीदना है 
न तेल 
और न ही फल और न प्याज 
बस दो वक़्त की रोटी है नसीब में 
थोड़े से नमक के साथ 
और ये भी है नसीहत की 
जितना हो सके पैदल चलो 
यहाँ भी ईश्वर की ही कृपा है समझे 
वरना पेट्रोल और डीसल का भी चौगुना हो चूका है दाम 
बचपन  में पढ़ा था
 God help's them who help themselves 
 और अब दिख रहा है की  हम जैसे ही है इस कहावत  के जीवंत  examples 
सलाद फल और मिठाई के शौकीनों की हालत पर  खाते है हम तरस 
और सोचते है हस्ते हुए ये राज़ की बात 
हमने ये मज़े कर लिए जब सस्ते का ज़माना था 
लेकिन उस वक्त भी बहुत पॉपुलर एक गाना  था 
जो कुछ इस तरह कहता था की 
एक तो उन्हें खुदा की खुदाई मार गयी 
दुसरे हमेशा की तन्हाई मार गयी 
और बाकी कुछ बचा  तो महंगाई मार गयी 

isiliye इसीलिए
man will never be satisfied
always cribbing and cursing happens to be his birth right
वह तब भी रोता था और अब भी रोता है 

क्या करे बेचारा 
रोते  हुए ही तो पैदा होता है